Monday, December 1, 2014

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER No. 92


The following essay was written by Jenny. She writes her arguments regarding learning English in a foreign country.
Now that English is the most widespread spoken language throughout the world, it is essential for everyone to learn English. Each person have their way to learn it, for example, some of them study at school, while some learn by themselves. Many people believe that the best way to master their English skills is to study in an English-speaking community. I totally agree with them; however, I think that is not the only way to learn the language.
Learning how to use English among native speakers is always the best effective for learners. It is because when talking or listening to the native, they can both learn a wide range of vocabulary in many fields and improve their pronunciation, which leads to their betterment in speaking and listening. Learners can also have access to a large number of newspaper, magazines and books in English as well as gain more materials for their writing. Besides, they can practise a lot and may have the native correct their mistakes. To give an example, my cousin studying in the USA uses English better than I do much that we started learning it at the same time.
On the other hand, many people can not afford to study English in a English-speaking country. Nevertheless, there are several ways for them to learn the language. First of all, they can take courses in their own city, learning grammar and vocabulary as well as practising with their teachers and classmates. Secondly, thanks to the development of Internet and other means of communication, learners can study at home by using e-book, reading online newspapers and magazines along with taking online tests. They are also able to practise English via social networks such as Facebook, Skype and so on. I am, for instance, subscribing VOA channel on Youtube to practise listening and using my blog to improve my writing.
In conclusion, it is no doubt that learning a foreign language among native speakers is the best way. However, in my opinion, there are a number of ways to be good at that language without going abroad. It depends on learners’ will, I believe.
4-POINT CRITIQUE
TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to give your reasons why you think that it is possible to learn English even if not going abroad. You gave concrete examples to prove your point. However, avoid multiple main points in one paragraph.
LEXICAL RESOURCE
Good education vocabulary was used: online tests, e-book, reading online newspapers.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
Good transition words were used: on the other hand, in conclusion. However, improve organization by using the 5-paragraph format:
Introduction
Body Paragraph 1 – Agree 1
Body Paragraph 2 – Agree 2
Body Paragraph 3 – Disagree 1
Conclusion
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
There are some grammar errors:
Each person have = each person has
Best effective = most effective
Than I do much = than I do
In a English-speaking country = in an English-speaking country
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If you want a free IELTS writing makeover, email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com.


For Further Reading,
essays, IELTS, writing

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Woman Behind A Teacher's Odyssey

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