The following essay was written by Nimish. The essay discusses arguments regarding closure of zoos.
no longer need to have animals kept in zoos, so zoos should be closed. Do you
agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant
examples from your own knowledge and experience."
zoos continue to exist and animals be caged? This is one of the debatable
question in recent time. While animal activists raise the concern of animal
being caged and demand for their freedom, hence eventually closing down of
zoos, however, the other group of people oppose to this idea. I do not agree
that zoos should close down as I believe it’s a place of fun and education for
children and as well provide shelter to animals.
the awareness of impact on animals being caged, there has been increasing
number of animal activists who belief in closing down the zoos and setting the
animals free in the natural habitat, in forest. Moreover, there are few NGOs
who work in this field and make the public aware of ordeals that these animals
go through in zoos.
the other hand, there are certain arguments that supports the existence of
zoos. Firstly, it is argued that all animals which lives in zoos are not fit
anymore to survive back in forest on their own, as due to their age they could
not be able to hunt their food and may starve to death. For such animals, zoo
is a good place where they get timely food and medicine aid. Secondly, zoo is a
place of entertainment and education on animals for children, where they get to
learn more on animals by observing their behavior.
To conclude, I do not agree that zoos
should be closed. While, we need to be sensitive towards animals needs and set
them free if they are capable of surviving in forests. However, the old and
weak animals may be better off in zoo environment. Moreover, zoo gives
opportunity to children for learning about various animals. As a I child, I
used to take lot of fun in visiting the zoo and I feel that if zoos are closed,
then my children may not get to see many animals in their life time.
You were able to give your arguments
regarding the need for zoos. However, the conclusion is longer than your body
Good topic specific vocabulary: natural
habitat, NGOs, animal activists.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
Good transition words were used:
firstly, to conclude. However, have only one main point per paragraph. Improve
organization by using the 5-paragraph format:
Body Paragraph 1- Disagree 1
Body Paragraph 2-Disagree 2
Body Paragraph 3-Agree 1
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
There are a number of grammar errors:
One of the debatable question = one of
the debatable questions
Animal being caged = animals being caged
And as well provide shelter to animals =
and provides shelter to animals
Has been increasing number of activists
who belief = has been an increasing number of activists who believe
In forest = in forests
Arguments that supports = arguments that
All animals which lives = all animals
Animals needs = animals’ needs
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