The following essay is from Minh Hang. The essay
discusses the advantages of a university degree vs. work experience.
Topic: Many people say that the only way to
guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education.
Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience
in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above
Give reasons for your answer and include any
relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is undeniable that
job market is more and more challenging today which draws considerable
attention of people. There is a school of thoughts that getting tertiary
education is the only way to get a great job. However, others hold that
starting work after school to have hands-on experience is more important. In my
opinion, I strongly agree that taking further study at university is the most
wise choice for future career viability.
Firstly, having a degree of
bachelor is highly likely to give students a distinct advantage when seeking
for well-paid jobs. Actually, college qualification is considered as official
indicator of students’ ability to master professional knowledge as well as
commitment and self-discipline in a four-year course. Moreover, many employers
are impressed by candidates with university qualifications than those with only
high school ones. Therefore, attending university may boost students’chances of
being accepted into prestigious companies.
Secondly, it is obvious that universities are favourable
environment for enhancing specialized knowledge. In fact, they include large
libraries storing a wide range ofvaluable books in different fields which are not available outside
campus. For example, library in Law University in Vietnam contains rare
documents which can not be found anywhere in this country. Besides, lecturers
with abundant teaching experience and outstanding knowledge enables students
thorough analysis of aspects in their majors and help them tackle problems in
Some students argue that some famous
people such as Bill Gates and Steve Jobs still have brilliant career without
completing a university course. Nevertheless, this viewpoint is seemingly
superficial because if students do not dig deep into knowledge , they will not
have enough essential skills to work efficiently in the future.
In conclusion, getting higher education in university may give people
many opportunity of getting good jobs because it provides ideal conditions for
students to acquire extensive knowledge. Moreover, bachelor’s degree is often
were able to explain both points of view and you were able to state clearly
your point on the advantages of having a degree. You gave concrete examples to
support your stand. However, wordcount is 314. Reduce to 250-265 words to save
time and minimize errors.
Attempts to show range of
vocabulary are observed but some are misused: school of thoughts, most wise
choice. Other good vocabulary: tertiary education, hands-on experience,
superficial, distinct advantage. There is also a tendency to be wordy: Besides, lecturers with abundant teaching
experience and outstanding knowledge enables students thorough analysis of
aspects in their majors and help them tackle problems in studying process.
range of transition words used: firstly, secondly, in conclusion, moreover.
Paragraphs are organized and logical.
RANGE AND ACCURACY
are some grammar errors: appreciated, lack of articles e.g. bachelor’s degree
is often, universities are favorable, that job market.
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