The following IELTS Writing
Makeover is from Isabelle. She discusses about the importance of social skills
in job hunting.
Employers now tend to prefer
employees with good social skills in addition to good qualifications. Social
skills are getting more and more important compared to qualifications. Do you
agree or disagree?
In today’s world, social skills seem to be a
predominant requirement in the workplace.
As is commonly understood, employees with good social skills thrive in
the workplace compared to workers with good qualifications who lack social
skills. It is believed that employers
now seek employees who have both good qualifications and good social
skills. Social skills are needed in the
workplace in order to have a harmonious workplace. Also, it will be proven that
if someone lacks certain skills or qualifications but is good socially, their
colleagues are more likely to help them achieve their task as opposed to
someone who lacks social skills.
For one, it is a well-known fact that a harmonious
workplace is far more productive compared to a one where the employees aren’t
social with each other. For example, if one were to get along with their
colleagues, they would look forward to going to work and therefore be more
productive. On the other hand, if one does not get along with their colleagues,
they are more likely to find an excuse to skip work therefore reducing
productivity within the company. Thus, social skills contribute to productivity
in the workplace. It is obvious from
this that given the choice between two candidates, an employer is more likely
to choose one with good social skills over the other.
In addition to this, it is also proven that social
skills help encourage teamwork amongst co-workers. For instance, if one
employee is struggling with a certain task, another person is more likely to
give them a hand if they have good social skills. This makes it clear, that
social skills can be quite helpful in the workplace.
It can be seen from this discussion that social
skills in potential employees have become quite important to employers along
with good qualifications. It has been proven that people with good social
skills tend to be more efficient in the workplace creating a happy workplace
and sense of teamwork. Therefore, it is
predicted that in the future, employers will be looking for employees who
present good social skills as well as qualifications for a position.
You’ve stated clearly your position on the
importance of social skills. However, your wordcount is 353. Reduce to 250-265
words for clarity purposes.
Vocabulary is varied but “social skills” tend to be
repetitive. Use synonyms/examples/pronouns to avoid this.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
There are a number of good transition words:
therefore, in addition to this, on the other hand. You should use more concrete
examples of social skills for clarity purposes. Improve organization by using
the 5-paragraph format:
Body Par 1 – Agree
Body Par 2-Agree
Body Par 3-Disagree
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY-
Good range of grammar structures: use of modals,
perfect tenses. No grammar issues noted.
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