Wednesday, April 18, 2012

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #78



The following IELTS Writing Makeover is from Isabelle. She discusses about the importance of social skills in job hunting.

Employers now tend to prefer employees with good social skills in addition to good qualifications. Social skills are getting more and more important compared to qualifications. Do you agree or disagree?

In today’s world, social skills seem to be a predominant requirement in the workplace.  As is commonly understood, employees with good social skills thrive in the workplace compared to workers with good qualifications who lack social skills.  It is believed that employers now seek employees who have both good qualifications and good social skills.  Social skills are needed in the workplace in order to have a harmonious workplace. Also, it will be proven that if someone lacks certain skills or qualifications but is good socially, their colleagues are more likely to help them achieve their task as opposed to someone who lacks social skills.

For one, it is a well-known fact that a harmonious workplace is far more productive compared to a one where the employees aren’t social with each other. For example, if one were to get along with their colleagues, they would look forward to going to work and therefore be more productive. On the other hand, if one does not get along with their colleagues, they are more likely to find an excuse to skip work therefore reducing productivity within the company. Thus, social skills contribute to productivity in the workplace.  It is obvious from this that given the choice between two candidates, an employer is more likely to choose one with good social skills over the other.

In addition to this, it is also proven that social skills help encourage teamwork amongst co-workers. For instance, if one employee is struggling with a certain task, another person is more likely to give them a hand if they have good social skills. This makes it clear, that social skills can be quite helpful in the workplace.

It can be seen from this discussion that social skills in potential employees have become quite important to employers along with good qualifications. It has been proven that people with good social skills tend to be more efficient in the workplace creating a happy workplace and sense of teamwork.  Therefore, it is predicted that in the future, employers will be looking for employees who present good social skills as well as qualifications for a position.

WORDCOUNT: 353

TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You’ve stated clearly your position on the importance of social skills. However, your wordcount is 353. Reduce to 250-265 words for clarity purposes.

LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is varied but “social skills” tend to be repetitive. Use synonyms/examples/pronouns to avoid this.

COHERENCE AND COHESION
There are a number of good transition words: therefore, in addition to this, on the other hand. You should use more concrete examples of social skills for clarity purposes. Improve organization by using the 5-paragraph format:
Introduction
Body Par 1 – Agree
Body Par 2-Agree
Body Par 3-Disagree
Conclusion

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY-
Good range of grammar structures: use of modals, perfect tenses. No grammar issues noted.
------------

 For a free IELTS Writing makeover, email msjuanta@yahoo.com or buy my e-book 30 Days to a Better IELTS writing.


For Further Reading,
IELTS, writing

3 comments:

 

Woman Behind A Teacher's Odyssey

My name is Miracel Juanta and I write ATeachersOdyssey to help students and teachers create better English. I have been in the teaching profession for more than 10 years. My field of expertise includes ESL,IELTS,TOEFL,Business English etc. If you have questions about English, feel free to email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com or add my twitter @msjuanta.