The following IELTS writing makeover is from Bright. He writes his views on books vs. Internet.
* with the increase in use of the internet,books will soon become unnecessary.
*to what extent do u agree or disagree with this statement.
Books are essential source of information in the globe everyone
often study books during their life.It helps many people to acheive
their goals and makes their life wealthy.But nowedays the impartance
of books is decreasing day by day because of the influence of
internet.Bases of my views are general,acadamical,personal.
Generally says,although books have wide range of
information,people prefer internet than books to getting information
because of certain advandages.In our mordern competitive society
people encourage their kids to use internet from their early stage.So
the usage of books falling day by day.
From acadamical point of view,Instutions teach their students
about internet from primary level, and student become expert user of
internet at intermediate level.Although instutions teach subjects
through books and internet,internet dominate books.So i strongly agree
with ur point.
Personaly says,eventhough internet has lot of information,affect
humen creativity power for instance,ancient days without internet
resourses scientist Newton discovered theory of gravity that is the
most impartant theory for survival of human in the earth is the
amaizing evidence of human creativity.Why dont these discoveries
happens today?Reason is internet that dominate human brain.
In conclusion,if the usage of internet incresing,decrease the
usage of books as well our creativity power one day we would be a
machine.So please study books a lot and discover new useful things in
impartant, amaizing, incresing, mordern, discoveries happens these days, internet that dominate,
You wrote only 218 words when it should be 250 words. You did give reasons why internet will dominate books. However, the examples do not support your main view.
Vocabulary is limited. Wordcount is only 218. It should be 250-265 words.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
Major points are unclear, and examples are illogical. There are attempts to use transition words: although, in conclusion.
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
There are many grammar and spelling errors: books are essential source, acheive, impartance, advandages, instutions, ur, acadamical, humen, personaly.
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