- Why was it so important to you?
- How did the manager help you find it?
When I reached to Delhi, I called Mr James to follow up on the case. But after couple of weeks, I lost the hope of getting the suitcase back. But last Saturday, I received a call from Mr James and he told me that my suitcase had been found. While talking to him, I came to know he was constantly and closing monitoring the case.
I really want to thank him for his efforts and dedication on the case and I feel he is a desorbing person. You must consider him for bigger roles in your organisation.
You were able to give concrete details about the lost bag and what the manager did to recover it. However, the reasons why it's important is limited. Wordcount is 239. Limit it to 150-165 to save time and minimize errors.
Vocabulary is fair: registered, station master.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
Transition words are repetitive and minimal: but. Organization needs improvement. Use the 3-paragraph format:
Body-reasons for the importance of the lost bag
Conclusion – action done by the manager
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ORGANIZATION
There are some grammar errors: desorbing, closing monitoring.
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