Saturday, October 15, 2011

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #70


The following essay is from Ron Stan.

Question: It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible – you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One of the paramount concerns of the world today is the coexistence of technology and tradition. The fact cannot be denied that as we are grasping the technology more and more tightly, our hold of culture is getting loosened. However, it is possible to strike a correct balance between both.

Firstly, it is only because of technological advancement that, the nations are aware of the cultures which exist in other countries. For instance, India is a land of heritages, values and customs, but it was only after the world media captured this beauty that the tourist from across the continent came to enjoy its traditional taste.

Secondly, modern technological equipment and expertise helped to restore many long lost cultures. To cite an example; Aboriginal language which was on the verge of extinction, was revived by recent scientific techniques. In addition to that, Aboriginal arts, have acquired worldwide recognition because they have been showcased the world over.

There is no contradicting of the point that, owing to modern machinery many traditional skills have been lost like; weaving and pottery making. However, one has to accept the fact that the world is moving ahead and we cannot cling to the obsolete method of doing a thing. It is only sensible to adopt the change which helps you to move forward rather than one which drags you behind.  

To sum up, mankind will only gain by reviving the traditional skills. We must have a well-balanced view to reap the benefits of both to the fullest, for both have their own positive and negative aspects.

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to achieve the task by giving your views about technology and tradition. You gave specific examples to support your main points.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is varied: modern machinery, reviving, showcased, techniques.

COHERENCE AND COHESION

Good transition words: to sum up, firstly, secondly. Points are clear, logical and to the point.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

No grammar errors noted.

If you want a free writing makeover, email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com.


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