Sunday, May 29, 2011

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #67


The following essay was written by Ajith. He talks about the future of the DVD market.

A lot of films are now strictly made for the DVD market and soon we will be able to download films directly from the internet.

Answer:

A film which combines both audio and video to express a story is frequently used by the people for recreation. They prefer to watch movies as a habit or a hobby. As the DVD market has taken major changes recently, they are lucky to buy a film which is encoded in a DVD to fulfill their entertaining needs.

However, the technical development which assists to create an immense number of films in a short period can be considered as the main reason for this availability. The production of cartoon films with good standard and high quality is the best example which extensively illustrates the effect of technology towards the film making.

On one hand, this entails in many opportunities for the people to enjoy various films after a good selection as they are inexpensive and rampant. This situation enables them to watch a movie flexibly at home in any convenient time rather than going to a cinema which may be obsolete due to mal-maintenance.

On the other hand, the consequences may be undesirable because children who are not deserve to watch films which are labeled as "Adults Only" will practice to see them using the computers as a solution for the oppose of their guardians. Furthermore It decreases the number of the people who go to the cinema resulting a huge break down in the cinema industry.

However in the near future there will be a facility to download the movies via internet as our wish because even now we can see a real time film using a high speed internet connection. It will solve the problematic situations which people have to face when they want to see original film with better sound and obvious scenes. This will result in a new arising in the film production industry.

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to give good arguments to support your position. You provided sufficient supporting details to expand your views.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is varied: consequences, facility, high speed internet connection, availability.

COHERENCE AND COHESION

Essay structure is organized and clear with the use of appropriate transition words: on one hand, however, furthermore, on the other hand.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

There are some grammar errors: "who are not deserve", "a new arising", "for the oppose of their guardians" and "mal-maintenance".

For a free makeover, email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com.


For Further Reading,
IELTS, writing

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