Friday, May 20, 2011

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #64


The following essay was written by Waddi from Myanmar. She describes the reasons why people resist change and provides solutions.

Q: People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kinds of problems can this cause? What solution can you suggest?

In this twenty-first century, as the world develops in many ways, people have to face the changes in their life both in positive and negative ways. Generally, people have the ability to tolerate the changes, but unavoidably suffer more or less from those changes.

It can be described as the main difficult that have to overcome is mental problems. If someone meets unacceptable changes in life, he or she may feel unprotective, down-heated or unsafe consequently, may also experience nightmares which lead to health-related problems. There is also another changes, for instance people who leave their country and going abroad might face social problems like culture shocks and have a feeling of loneliness in the new environment. Basically, the cause of these problems is that people cannot accept the changes immediately.

In my opinion, people should be flexible to adjust with the changes. A good idea would be to take part in social activities or make friends to hang out, and eventually they will find themselves as a part of the new society. A future step is to cure mentally by meditation or doing something like watch television or listening to the music that can relax their mind. Furthermore, they should think the changes are opportunities to try new things, new knowledge and experience. The most important of all, People must not give up when they meet changes and should try to adapt.

To conclude, changes always exist in daily life and they make us stronger more persistent, more self-confident, and more patient. People should think these changes as the steps to reach a better life even they are not the positive ones. By putting that thought in their mind, it can be said that they have already half-won the difficulties and can successfully overcome the effects of the changes.

Word count: 300

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to discuss why people resist changes and give solutions to the problem. You gave concrete examples to support your views.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is fair with some wrong word choices: unprotective, down-heated.

COHERENCE AND COHESION

There are some transition words used: to conclude, basically, furthermore. Ideas are generally clear and logical. Organization needs improvement by using the five-paragraph format.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

Some grammar errors found: main difficult that have, another changes. There are also problems in parallelism: watch television and listening to music; leave their country and going abroad.

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