Thursday, January 27, 2011

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #54


The following essay is from Faruk and he discusses his views about parents being the best teachers.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.

Children get education from their families, friends as well as school teachers. Some people say that parents are best teachers to their children others disagree. However, whether they are best teachers or not depends on the skills and behaviour of the parents themselves. This essay describes this controversial issue.

It is not strange to find some uneducated parents. Such parents might be good in social life and could be successful in their career. However, if they did not get proper education, they have less skill to teach their children academically. In addition, some parents are not good examples to their children. For example, they go into divorce without the considering the interests of their children. Children who grew in a divorced family may be affected negatively. I have watched many TV documentaries about prisoners in US jails. Most of the inmates explain that they were abused by parents or raised in a divorced family. Therefore, such parents will not be good examples to their children and are not best teachers.

On the other hand, there are many parents who are well educated and follow up the day to day school activities of their children. These parents have always time to help their children in their home works as well as other academic problems. Since children easily believe and accept what their parents are advising, such children will be more successful. It is common to listen from successful professional, sports persons, musicians, etc that the main reason for their success is the help they got from their parents.

In conclusion, whether parents are best teachers or not depends on the skills and behaviour of the parents. Those parents who are less educated or have bad behaviour are not excellent teachers.

Word Count: 289

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to write a good introduction and conclusion. You were able to give a balanced view on when parents are the best teachers and when parents aren’t. You gave supporting details to support your view. It would be better if you have 5 paragraphs and add one more main point to strengthen your stand. Word count is 289, better reduce your essay 250-265 words only.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is fair and needs more complex vocabulary. There is no evidence of idiomatic language.

COHERENCE AND COHESION

The essay is organized with a good range of connecting utterances: “however”, “therefore”, “on the other hand”, “for example” and “in conclusion”.

Explanation is clear, logical and to the point.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

Essay has good range of grammar structures:

Relative clauses: “who are well educated”

Modals: “could be successful”

Perfect tenses: “have watched”

There were some grammar errors: “without the considering”

If you want a free IELTS makeover, email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com. :P


For Further Reading,
IELTS, writing

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Woman Behind A Teacher's Odyssey

My name is Miracel Juanta and I write ATeachersOdyssey to help students and teachers create better English. I have been in the teaching profession for more than 10 years. My field of expertise includes ESL,IELTS,TOEFL,Business English etc. If you have questions about English, feel free to email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com or add my twitter @msjuanta.