Thursday, August 19, 2010

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #47


Our featured essay today is from Ube. The essay talks about the factors contributing to job fulfillment.

Task: What are the factors that contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is job satisfaction?

Job satisfaction describes a worker’s sense of achievement and success. It also implies doing a job one enjoys, doing it well and being fairly rewarded for one’s effort. Furthermore, it is the key component that leads to recognition, income, promotion, and the achievement of other goals that lead to a general feeling of contentment.

Moreover, work fulfillment can be influenced by variety of factors such as flexible work arrangements; training and other professional growth opportunities; interesting work that offers innovation and challenge; a stable, secure work environment; adaptable benefits; up-to-date technology; competitive salary and chances for promotion.

Probably the most important to bear in mind when considering job satisfaction is it varies from one worker to another. Apart from the factors aforementioned, contentment in one’s profession is also actuated by the employer’s state of mind, personal characteristics, the superior’s characteristics and management style, and the nature of work itself. For example, when creating work teams, managers should carefully match the staff by placing people with similar backgrounds, experiences, or needs. As much as possible, managers should match job tasks to employee’s personalities. Organizational characteristics such as commitment and relationship with seniors and co-workers have significant effects on occupational happiness as well.

So, in essence, career fulfillment is a product of the events and conditions that people experience on their jobs. The happier the people are within their work, the more satisfied they are said to be. Besides, if the pleasures associated with one’s employment outweigh the pains, there is some level of job satisfaction.

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You have answered the task by giving the factors that contribute to job fulfillment. You gave concrete examples and supporting details that prove your point.

COHESION AND COHERENCE

Your essay is organized with the use of transition words that link paragraphs such as: furthermore, moreover, so, etc. Improve your organization by using the five-paragraph format for a more balanced structure.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is quite varied and you used language that is relevant and clear.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

There are minimal grammar errors particularly the run-on in your 2nd paragraph. Avoid one-sentence paragraphs. Split the run-on into two for more clarity.

If you want a free IELTS makeover, email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com. :)


For Further Reading,
IELTS, writing

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Woman Behind A Teacher's Odyssey

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