Monday, August 23, 2010

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #48


The following essay was written by Lucia. She writes about her opinions on eating at restaurants.

EATING AT RESTAURANTS IS CONVENIENT FOR MANY PEOPLE BUT SOME PREFER EATING AT HOME BECAUSE IT IS MUCH CHEAPER. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

Eating is practically part of people's day to day lives. This is probably the reason why people consistently find different ways how to enjoy food. Many find it exciting to eat in restaurants or fast food chains because of the variety and type of food these establishment offer. Nonetheless, there are others who choose to eat in the comforts of their home for they believe that it is much safe and economical.

Dinning out is enticing not only because of the food served but also because of the ambiance these diners have. It is true that one can see the culture of a certain place through food. For this reason, people enjoy eating out. In addition, restaurants and fast food chains provide convenience for the busy people who have no time to prepare their own lunch or dinner. On the other hand, this habit can be very expensive, and is not applicable to people on a tight budget. Moreover, the cleanliness of the food is not assured even though almost all of the food establishments claim that. There have been reports that even those high-end cafes' and bistros' have dirty kitchens.

Meanwhile, many choose to stick to the tradition of eating in the solemnity of their abodes because of variety of reasons. One of which is the value for money. Home prepared food are considered a lot cheaper that of the restaurants. Imagine, a normal spaghetti made at home would cost less than those that can be bought in a fancy eatery. Furthermore, pragmatics would suggest home food is safer. As explained earlier, one can never guarantee the cleanliness of the food being served in the restaurants because of myriads of factors. The most important of all is personal hygiene. Lastly, The food that is cooked in one's kitchen is more tasteful. For the reason that the kind and the amount of ingredients used depends on personal preference. However, in order to make food more appealing and inviting one needs to be adventurous.

In my opinion, I believe that food that is cooked at home is still the best because it is made in accordance to personal choices. Aside from the fact that the food sanitation is assured, it is also empirical to say that home eating is economical. One can always modify eating and dinning in their own haven. All it needs is creativity and a little passion for cooking.

Word count: 401

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to describe both points of view and gave supporting details to prove your point. You stated clearly your preference. However, your word count is 401. Reduce your words between 250-256 words only.

COHESION AND COHERENCE

There a number of transition words used such as “furthermore, moreover, lastly, etc”. Improve the structure by using five paragraphs for a more balanced view. Have only one main point per paragraph.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

Words used were varied and clear. You used advanced vocabulary such as “pragmatics” and “empirical”.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

There are a number of grammar errors found. Replace the misspelled word “dinning.” Pluralize “establishment”. Remove the apostrophe in “bistros” and “cafes”.

If you want your essay to be critiqued, email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com.



For Further Reading,
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