Wednesday, May 12, 2010

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #40


The following topic is from Rajesh and he writes about the difficulties of his country and how to solve them.

Topic:What are the difficulties your country would face in next ten years? How do you propose to solve those problems?

I come from a developing country. It has been growing at a very faster pace in the past ten years. There has been an exemplary growth in GDP(Gross Domestic Product).Many problems like poverty, unemployment have been curbed in the recent past. But still I could site quite few problems which the country might face in next ten years.

Firstly, Urbanization could be one of the very severe problems the country might suffer from. And a very high population is moving from rural areas to cities. As a result the provision of infrastructure will not be able to keep pace with the increasing densities of the cities.

Secondly, growing gap between rich and poor is also a very serious problem. The trend of rich getting richer and poor getting poorer is increasing, due to which there may be a steep increase in crime rates. Terrorism is also a major problem which cannot be ignored, though it is more of a global problem.

Urbanization could be curbed to some extent by encouraging the development of small scale industries in rural areas by giving incentives. Also, it can be reduced by providing facilities like education etc. in rural areas on par with cities. And the second problem of poor getting poorer could be eliminated by the initiatives like free education and giving monetary support needed for minimum living requirements. Terrorism can be reduced by increasing the security in borders to avoid illegal infiltration.

However, measures like encouraging one child norm should be taken to control the population, to be able to effectively implement the measures to reduce the problems discussed above. In spite of all these, I see my country to be a very developed country in the world in the next ten years.

Word count: 291

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to address the task by giving both problems and solutions for your country. You used the five-paragraph format. You have sufficient examples to elaborate your main points.

COHERENCE AND COHESION

The essay has an organized structure with the appropriate use of transition words such as “firstly, however, etc.”

LEXICAL RESOURCE

The words used were quite varied and were clear. Just revise “site” to “cite”.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

Work on your punctuation. Add a comma after your conjunctions. Avoid beginning sentences with “and”. Add an article in the phrase “in next ten years”.


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For Further Reading,
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