Friday, March 26, 2010

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #35


Our featured essay is from Vilma. She writes about the advantages of children learning a foreign language early.

Some people say that teaching foreign language to children in primary school is good and that advantages of teaching foreign language early outweigh the disadvantages. What is your opinion?

The experience has shown that the sooner we introduce a child to a foreign language, the better it is. When a child start to learn another language during primary school there are many advantages. For instance, anatomically it is very easy, helps them with their own language and the acquisition of knowledge about the culture of that country.

Our brain is more flexible in young age. It is like a sponge and it perceives every information we get from watching movies or TV shows or reading books. Also, we remember better in a young age and there is no need to repeat the same word or sentence over and over. Anatomically, our vocal system is more elastic and the pronunciation of the different words is very alike with that of the native speakers.

When children learn a second language in elementary school, it helps them with their native language as well. While studying another language they have to study the structure of the sentence, the meaning of the words, how they are comprised. So, they will think the same way about their own language. However, they will understand better their own language and have more chances to do better at school.

Learning a foreign language means to get to know about the culture of that country. Children will read books, will watch movies or different TV programs in that language. This will help them to abroad their knowledge and maybe in improving their overall school performance.

In my opinion, it is better to start a new language in a young age. We might feel very busy at the moment and no need for another language but in years we see the value of it. I would say that teaching a second language would be the best present that parents can give to their children.

Word count: 304

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to give good arguments why it is necessary to make children study a foreign language at a young age. However, your word count is 304. Reduce it to 250-265 words.

COHESION AND COHERENCE
The structure of the essay is generally organized but needs more transition words to make it more cohesive.

LEXICAL RESOURCE
You used a variety of language but there were some that were redundant like “anatomically” and “young age”. “Abroad” should be “broaden”.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
There were not much grammatical errors but do correct the subject-verb error in “a child start”.

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Do you need help in your writing? Get an IELTS writing makeover and email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com


For Further Reading,
IELTS, writing

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Woman Behind A Teacher's Odyssey

My name is Miracel Juanta and I write ATeachersOdyssey to help students and teachers create better English. I have been in the teaching profession for more than 10 years. My field of expertise includes ESL,IELTS,TOEFL,Business English etc. If you have questions about English, feel free to email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com or add my twitter @msjuanta.