Saturday, August 15, 2009

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #11


Today's IELTS essay is from Ellen Joyce and she wrote her thoughts about studying alone and group studying.

"Compare studying alone from group studying"

Education is an essential element to learn conceptual theories for the person's emotional, intellectual and even spiritual awareness and development. However, education itself is a complex process wherein a student encounters great struggles and difficulties in its course. So to be able to cope with the demand of education, some student opt to study alone and some prefer group study.

Studying alone denotes that one has the privilege of serenity and exclusiveness of one's self and the knowledge one is about to acquire. The student can concentrate on his personal weakness. In that way he can spend his time studying lessons which he has difficulty with. On the other hand, the disadvantage of this option is that, if one finds something really tough, he himself are the only one who have to figure it out. Help from others are not readily available all the time. Another thing is that there would be no confirmation if one really understands the lesson correctly in the way that it supposed to be.

Meanwhile, another method of studying is through group study. On this process one can share vital information with the other members of the group and consequently, one can learn something from the other members. They can either agree or disagree with one another, thus their theories and ideas are being either strengthen or corrected. However, group study also shares some downside. First is that one might spend a lot of time on the area which is not really relevant to their study thus ignoring the area of difficulty that needs to be sharpen. It is also time consuming especially if it's with a large group wherein everyone is giving opinion and contradicting one another.

Some students however, take advantage on both methods. They study alone first to equip them something with knowledge which they can share with the group and also endow them with questions that the group might answer. Some claims that they can use the other way around. Group study first to have an immediate access to all the knowledge one needs to know, afterwards one can study by himself to review the entire topic that has been discussed on the group study.

Whatever method of study one choose, it still more important that one utilizes his time effectively and that he is earning incredibly. Therefore, student should find which method of study suits them best for their intellectual progress.

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You wrote a good essay that is more than 250 words. You were able to provide strong arguments for each point of view. You gave a good introduction and conclusion.

COHESION AND COHERENCE

The paragraph is well-organized and the structure can be clearly seen. Ideas are logically arranged. There are a number of transition words but add a transition word at the beginning of your concluding paragraph to signal that you are summarizing.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

You have a good range of vocabulary. Just simplify some phrases like "to be able to cope with".

GRAMMATICAL ACCURACY

There are a number of grammar errors in your essay particularly on the subject-verb agreement. Revise the following errors: "he himself are", "help from others are", "some claims", "one who have". Observe also parallelism in your pronouns like "he" for "himself" and "one" for "oneself". Supply helping verbs to the following phrases: "it still more important" and "it supposed to be". Add "s" to the following phrases: "some student opt" and "student should find". Don't use contractions such as "it's" because it will lessen your word count.

-------------

If you want help in your writing, please read the details about the IELTS Writing Makeover here.


Tags: ,


For Further Reading,
IELTS, writing

1 comments:

 

Woman Behind A Teacher's Odyssey

My name is Miracel Juanta and I write ATeachersOdyssey to help students and teachers create better English. I have been in the teaching profession for more than 10 years. My field of expertise includes ESL,IELTS,TOEFL,Business English etc. If you have questions about English, feel free to email me at msjuanta@yahoo.com or add my twitter @msjuanta.