Friday, July 17, 2009

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #7


Another Task 1 essay came from Hanane who is taking the IELTS on July 23.

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The map shows the town of Garlsdon, its countryside and the possible sites for opening a new supermarket.

The first possible location is S1 witch is located outside the county but relied to it by a railway ,so it would be easy to shoppers from Glarlsdon centre to access it .there is also a relevant main roads and the site is 12km faraway from Hindson ,so shoppers could come from Hindson too.

the main advantage of this location is that is situated countyside so car parking is availeble.

In contrast, the second possible site is making the supermarket in the town centre S2,just in the middle of the main industry and close to housing , this is the ideal location for Glarlsdon population and there is also main roads and raiway linking the site to Cransdon and Bransdon wich are 25 km and 16 km faraway respectively.

The advantage of this location is that it target almost 45.000 population . However, the main desadvantage is that it would be difficult to parck cars.

To sum up , both sites has advantages and desadvantages , but S1 would most probably suit better customers from Garlsdon , Hindson and Cransdon.

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

The essay is more than 150 words. You were able to compare the two sites and give the advantages and disadvantages of each.

COHESION AND COHERENCE

You used a variety of transition words to show relationships between paragraphs such as "in contrast", "however" and "to sum up". Improve your organization by reducing the number of paragraphs to four (Introduction, Location 1, Location 2, Conclusion). Paragraphs should be balanced.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is moderately varied but there were some words that were used inappropriately such as "relied" and "relevant".

GRAMMATICAL ACCURACY

You have several grammar problems. Try to use spellcheck when writing your essay. There are many misspelled words such as: Glarlsdon, raiway, desadvantages, parck, wich, witch, countyside, available, county, etc. Review your subject-verb agreement. Errors in agreement include: "both sides has", "there is also main roads", "it target". Capitalize all beginnings of the sentence. Insert "it" between "that" and "is situated". Reverse the position of "better" and "customers". "Easy to shoppers" should be "easy for shoppers". Drop the article "a" and "relevant" in the phrase "there is also a relevant main road". Insert a comma before "too". Your grammar foundation is weak so I suggest that you get a grammar refresher course.

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