Monday, June 8, 2009

IELTS WRITING MAKEOVER #2


I got another essay for the IELTS Writing Makeover from my mailbox. This was submitted by Bahar from Turkey and here is her Task 2 essay:

Studying the English language in an English-speaking country is the best but not the only one way to learn the language.

Learning a foreign language is a good qualification for people in today's world. Knowing a foreign language has always been a distinguishing feature either at school or at work. Because it is the most widespread spoken language through the world, English is the most demanded language in today's world. Every people have their own ways to learn English. Some of them start learning it at school, some of them try to learn it by taking tutorials, some of them go to English courses while some prefer to learn it in an English-speaking country. No matter what the learning method is, I completely agree with the idea that studying English in an English speaking country is the best but not the only way to learn the language.

First of all, in order for us to learn English, we have to learn the grammer first. Schools or courses always teach grammer first. In order to speak English, grammer should be learned to some extent. Like any other subject, of course, a teacher can teach a subject to some extent. The rest depends on the student's own efforts, studiousness and enthusiasm in learning English. After having a grammer background, the learner may build up his/her vocabulary skills by reading books, papers and magazines in English. Similarly, listening the news in English or watching movies in English will highly likely improve one's listening skills considerably. I remember from my own experiences that I improved my reading and listening skills by reading and listening in English.

The best way to learn English has always been to learn it in an English-speaking country. The reason is that when an English learner goes to an English-speaking country, he/she will be exposed to English converstaions every time. This exposure will surely resulted in improving English skills especially listening and speaking skills significantly. Another advantage of learning English in an English-speaking country is that the learner can practise a lot in a shorter time. To give an example, I learned English in my home country, Turkey. I managed to learn it in a long time. However, my best friend preferred to learn English in England. Both of us know English now, however, she learned it more quickly and correctly than me.

Eventually, there are many ways to learn English but the best way is to learn it in an English-speaking country.

4-POINT CRITIQUE

TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to give good arguments about studying the English language. You were able to elaborate with concrete examples. Your total word count is 392 words. Now that's a very big number. The ideal number is from 250-265. If you write too much, you may commit more mistakes and you might run out of time. You should spend a maximum of 40 minutes for this task.

COHESION AND COHERENCE

You used a couple of transition words such as first of all, similarly, however, etc. The introduction was done very well but the conclusion should be made longer with at least 3 sentences summarizing the main points of the essay. Improve the organization of your essay with the 5-paragraph essay format: Introduction, Advantage 1, Advantage 2, Advantage 3, Conclusion.

LEXICAL RESOURCE

You have made some good word choices but there are some words that are off. Demanded should be in demand. Change the phrase "every people have their own ways" to "every person has his/her own ways". Studiousness sounds awkward. I think you mean conscientiousness. There were too many adverbs in the phrase "highly likely improve one's listening skills considerably." Eventually should be replaced with other transitions words such as "to sum up, in conclusion, to conclude."

GRAMMATICAL ACCURACY

There were minimal grammar errors noted. Revise the following misspelled words: grammer and conversations. Remove the "ed" in the phrase "will surely resulted". In the expression "she learned it more quickly and correctly than me", it should be "than I".



If you want your essay to be the next project, check out the details of the IELTS Writing Makeover.

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IELTS, writing

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Woman Behind A Teacher's Odyssey

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